Emmett's Oddities
by Dookstheferret
Summary: This is a bunch of one-shots about Emmett being... well... Emmett! Rated T because I am not sure what I may do in it.


**Emmett's Oddities**

**A/N: I finally came with something that I may actually be able to get an interest in! This is going to be a lot of one-shots about Emmett being well… Emmett! I hope you like it! Review please!**

The Petco Fiasco

EmPOV

I. Am. So. Bored!!!! There is nothing to do here… I don't have to sleep so that gives me WAY more time then a human. And since I have currently been alive (well at least on the planet) over 90 years, I am running out of things to do in my spare time.

"ALICE!!!!!!!!" I screamed. The little peppy sister of mine popped her head out of her and Jasper's bedroom door.

"What?" She was annoyed at me and I did not even do anything! I am perfectly ok with my family being annoyed at me but only if they have a reason to be.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to do something with me. I have nothing to do…" I gave her the puppy pout face. I learned this from my favorite little human.

"Well unless you want to let me dress you up, I am busy." Aw man! "Jasper don't you DARE take that off yet! I am not done with it!" She screamed into her room. "Got to go."

"Wait! Can I have Jasper?" I asked hopefully.

"What do YOU think?" She called out to me.

"Never mind then… EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed out to my oh-so-serious brother.

"He is with Bella. They went on a date somewhere… their little meadow place I believe. But don't you DARE go interrupting them." Jasper called out to me.

"CARLISLE!!!" "Left on an emergency call to the hospital" "ROSALIE!!!" "At some chic flick. You said you did not want to go because she said she actually wanted to watch it…" "ESME!!!!!"

"Yes dear?" She called up the stairs. I ran down at vampire speed to talk to her.

"I am bored. Will you do something with me?" I begged.

"Want to help me repair the damage from you boys' last fight?" She asked as showing me the shattered remains of the coffee table from the family room.

"I think I'll pass on that…" That will end up making me more bored… plus I might get a lecture about me and my bros needing to be less violent with each other and how we are destroying her house… The last one actually would have put me to sleep if I could sleep…

"Well if you aren't going to do that and are only going to complain about having nothing to do, why don't you drop this off for your father. He was going to take it earlier, but then got a call and forgot about it. It goes to the chiropractor, Dr. Gruver, in the shopping center." She suggested holding up an envelope with a name written on it in Carlisle's fancy handwriting. "And don't even bother reading it; it's about meeting for lunch to discuss a new form of spinal column correction."

"Alright…" I grabbed the envelope then sulked over to the door, grabbing my keys on the way out. I climbed into my jeep and sped out of the drive way. I turned on the radio for something to keep my mind off the boredom of today.

I pulled into the parking lot and found a spot right next to doctor's place. I got out and walked in and right up to the receptionist with curly blond hair. She wasn't to bad looking for a human…

"May I help you?" she asked.

"Oh… Um… ya. I'm Emmett, Dr. Carlisle Cullen's son. I was told to give this to Dr. Goover…" I handed her the envelope.

"It's Gruver, not Goover, but thanks anyways" she said looking slightly annoyed at me for getting the dude's name wrong.

I walked out of the doctor's office and saw a huge fluffy dog walk by. I watched as the owner took it over to the store next to the office and walk in as the automatic doors opened for them. Hmm…. Should I follow and see what the giant ball of fur is up too, or go home and be bored? Doggy here I come!

I entered the doors and was hit by one-hundred and ten smells at once. It smelled like a vampire kitchen in here! So many types of blood…Pulsing through hundreds of bodies all throughout the building. Not human ones either… I am used to the sensation of feeling the human blood pumping throughout the people I am around. This was a bunch of animals' blood. What is this place?

I took a quick look of my surroundings and saw tons of cages with different animals in them. It's a pet store!!! I have never been in a pet store before! I walked over to the cages built into the one wall. Hamsters, guinea pigs, ferrets, gerbils, flying squirrels, rats, and mice; they look like little fluffy appetizers of various sizes… No! No eating the merchandise!

After regaining my self control and distinguishing the urge to have a little drink, I walked on past the rows of various rodent supplies and found in the center of the store, were many birdcages containing even more pets. I will have no problem resisting here. Birds taste HORRIBLE; the feathers get stuck in my teeth and have a horrible taste and texture. I once spent ½ hour trying to catch some big bird (I don't know what it was), jumping from tree to tree while having my family laugh hysterically; only to find that it is revolting to feed on.

After the high pitch squawking started to make my super sensitive ears ring, I left and came to the fish center. I went right up to tank with the enormous goldfish in it in the center of the fishy area and started making fish faces at them. A little kid walked up to the glass on the opposite side, looked at me, then ran away screaming for his mama.

Next came the lizards and snakes, then cats. The lizards and snakes were, well, boring. The cats only walked in circles purring and waving their tails back and forth gracefully. I couldn't help but imitate them purring and acting all stuck up (a little like Rose… but these I don't like…. And Rose I love…). I got some strange looks from even more people. One mother even had her child get away from me since she said I was a "crazed, lunatic man". Whatever, I actually seem to get that a lot to be honest…

Finally was the dog section. They are so cute and playful! Well most of them are cute… the poodle is definitely NOT cute, just creepy with its pom-pom styled fur. I want one!

LIGHT BULB! What if I got it then had Carlisle transform him! He would be my little buddy that I could play with whenever so I would not have to be bored! There is no way I could forget to feed it (it would not eat). It could go hunting with me! AND it won't have any accidents that Esme would have to clean! This will be perfect!

Now what one to pick… NOT the poodle. I want something larger… muscular… like me! A good hunter too! This one is too small. This one to scrawny. This one is just plain ugly… "Perfect!" I accidentally screamed out loud when I found my perfect dog.

"May I help you, sir?" A salesman came up and asked me.

"Actually yes, I would like to buy this dog" I replied pointing to the dog behind the glass that I wanted.

"I need to see your license and have you to fill out some forms to make sure you are a suitable owner first. Then he can be yours. I will be right back, you can wait here while I get the papers…" he said as walking away.

After filling out a mountain of paperwork I had my own little Samson!!! I had put him in a crate that I bought him temporarily and strapped it into the car so that his crate would not go flying out the window if I have to stop suddenly when going 100 mph.

As soon as I got home I jumped out of the car and got Samson out of the car. I put the leash on him, picked him up and ran up the stairs towards Carlisle's office since he could not go fast enough for my taste (yet). I burst through the door and held Samson out to Carlisle with Samson's neck right up under Carlisle's mouth.

"May I help you Emmett?" Carlisle asked trying to not get annoyed at me.

"Bite him!"

"What?" Carlisle had no idea what I meant.

"Bite him! Bite Samson!" I told him. "I want a dog. And I was thinking it would be easier for Jasper to control himself and more fun for me if Samson here was a vamp!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alice came bursting into the room. "DON'T. BITE. THAT. DOG!"

"And why not?!?!" I demanded

"Because! I had a vision that Carlisle bites that thing and as soon as the transformation is over he goes on a rampage killing like 5 humans INCLUDING Charlie!"

"O" She could be pretty convincing.

"Emmett" Carlisle brought me back into reality "Can you take Samson off my desk?" Ops… I guess I left him up there…

"Sorry" I put Samson on the floor, holding his leash so he would not run away. "What am I going to do with him then?" I asked.

"Take him back unless you want to try to take care of him. That would mean remembering to feed him, training him, cleaning up after him, walking him at human pace…" Ok. Way too much work.

"Stop! I will take him back…" I picked up Samson and sulked out.

**A/N: I want 5 reviews before I do the next one. I know that may not seem like a lot but I am starting out small (very small). Please review! Constructive criticism, not trash. Thank you for reading it!**

**Here is the dog he got if you wanted to see it: ****http://us. **


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